Conservationists categorize species by abundance. The rankings are: of least concern; threatened; vulnerable and endangered. Are good men endangered? No. Vulnerable? You tell me.
The adage “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle†was coined in the 1970’s. True? Depends on the man. It’s 2025, and women are still debating it.
In the 20th century, a “good man†meant a good financial provider. Now, women are graduating college in higher numbers than men, buying homes at twice the rate in some urban areas, frequently breadwinners. So, what do women want from a man? (It’s degrading for a man to be seen as a walking money tree, too, I’ll add.)
Women used to not be able to have a bank account or credit card, unless a husband co-signed. And this was 1974. Yes, that recent.
So, here’s the question: Now that women are permitted to financially survive without a man, what else is he offering that would compel us to choose to stay?
This assumes women are able to choose to begin with. The working poor often have less choice. Black women often don’t either, because of racism. Black men are incarcerated at 3.5 times the rate of white men for the same crimes, according to the American Civil Liberties Union.
Trace it to slavery. It was illegal for the enslaved to marry. Their kids? Sold to the highest bidder. Families ripped apart. For 10 generations. Ripples continue today.
In 2008, The New York Times ran the article, “When Mom and Dad Share it All.†One couple did an experiment. They split everything 50/50. Meticulously kept track. Split paid work, home care and parenting down the middle. The results? Over time, it became unequal. They had different standards for the same tasks. And different energy levels to perform them. The experiment revealed the necessity of negotiation and flexibility.
Former first lady Michelle Obama said on NPR that each partner should be able to do a little of everything. Either way, she says, “somebody is always giving more ... marriage is less like a scale and more like an abacus -- with beads sliding back and forth.â€
There are some awesome dudes. They ignore our typical societal conventions for gender roles. I know men who cook, clean and are more emotionally well-developed than myself.
But women still more frequently drive children to afterschool activities, schedule and go to children’s doctor appointments and caretake for elderly family members. (Sorry to only reference heterosexual couples in this piece.)
And women are not emotional coat racks. Not here to solely carry the weight.
But here’s a story:
I once dated a guy who couldn’t meet at a certain time each week. Why? He had therapy. I was floored. Not because he had therapy. But because of how nonchalantly he said it the first time. As if he were ordering coffee. No change in tone. I’d never heard a man so casually and confidently say, “I have therapy.†Normalize it.
This August, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released its 2024 data. The U.S. birth rate hit all-time lows — fewer than 1.6 children per woman. (Yes, this includes Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s combined 19 kids by seven wives.)
And no, Donald, women are too smart to believe a $5,000 baby bonus will inspire women to give birth, as his administration suggested (but outlawing abortion and undermining contraception access sure forces us to, potentially).
Another reason for the drop is zero paid parental leave. The U.S joins only seven nations in this distinction. All earth-shaking economic powerhouses: Papua New Guinea, Suriname, Micronesia, the Marshall Islands, Nauru, Palau and Tongo. Wow.
Women are innately indispensable. If women stopped working — nursing babies, nursing the sick, nursing the elderly — society would collapse. Men have to step up, to ensure that they are more indispensable.
Women’s unpaid labor is valued at $3.6 trillion, according to The Guardian. This is called “shadow work†— rarely acknowledged.
So, these heavy disparities? They are giant. Giant opportunities. A real chance to close the gap. And I know plenty of good men who are closing it. One pancake flip at a time.
